I haven’t written in a while- again. I want to write, I do. I want to get the all the feelings floating around inside out of my body.
Anger, anxiety, worry, frustration, excitement, hope and happiness- yes, I’ve been experiencing them all. The anger, anxiety and worry have their own way of boiling beneath my skin every couple of weeks to the point that they force themselves out in the shape of tears streaming down my face. I long for a way to safely release them into the world because once they’re out they can’t hurt me anymore.
Excitement, hope and happiness- yes, my life has been chock full of smiles, laughter and love in the past couple of months. I want to shout from the rooftops all of the amazing twists and turns that are beginning to take shape in my life. But I can’t. Or at least not yet. So my feelings, the good, the bad and the ugly have to stay cooped up inside at least for a little while longer.
Lately it’s been incredibly challenging to write like nobody is reading. It’s been far too long since I have set my feelings free on the page in spontaneous cathartic episode. Even though I miss pouring my soul into the blog I desperately don’t want my words to be misconstrued. The confusion. The backlash. The nasty comments that come my way. At the end of the day I can and will wait to tell my story. That’s all it is you know- it’s just a story. In fact it’s only one side of a story. But it’s my story. It’s the story about the ups and downs in one woman’s life- one woman who simply loves to run.
“The sadness is almost gone from your eyes,” noticed a friend.
For the better part of a year my eyes and heart have been full of sadness. Even my happiness has been laced with a hint of sadness. I stand here before you a few signatures away from being officially divorced; an incredibly somber event that is entrenched in the opportunity for new beginnings for each party involved. It’s true the sadness is almost gone from my eyes. Slowly but surely I have begun to accept my new reality. Slowly but surely I have begun to laugh again.
And soon I hope I will be able to once again write like nobody is reading.
In the meantime I’ll be training for the Baystate Half Marathon this fall. More on that soon. Much love and many miles to you all.
Never stop running,