Life has been harder than usual this past week. My body has felt heavy and my heart broken. It’s been tough adjusting, but that’s exactly what I’m doing – adjusting, growing, learning. This morning I went for my first solo long run in a long time. It was quiet and peaceful. Even though I didn’t feel lonely out there I missed my running partner. I missed hearing the sound of his feet crunching the leaves behind me. I missed climbing hills shoulder to shoulder in sync. I missed the stories he would he would rattle off that filled the space between us. I just missed him. I still miss him. And I expect to continue missing him for a long time.
But I’ll be ok.
I know I’ll do just fine. I’ve fallen before and I know that Kass’ always land on their feet. Today’s run reminded me of just that. Sure, I spent some of the run missing my running partner, but not the entire run. My mind mostly fluttered around from point to point as I worked to enjoy the moment I was in. At times I reflected on the shock and pain of this past week, but that was only a smaller subset of the run. Mostly I thought about how thankful I am to be able to go out and run for two hours without question. My body is a well-oiled machine that will go whenever, wherever and however long I want it to; what an amazing gift I have been given.
With the cool air filling my lungs I ran from the Trader Joes in the Hingham Shipyard through the back trails of Bare Cove Park, to downtown Hingham, around the entirety of World’s End Reservation and back again. World’s End is a spacious peninsula that overlooks Hingham Harbor with a backdrop of the busy Boston skyline. Peace. The storm in my soul felt at peace within the World’s End’s wide open space. Just me, myself and I searching for the path, searching for my path ahead into the next adventure. A hilly park with paths ranging from dirt trails to crushed gravel to straight grass, World’s End is a utopia for runners looking to begin again. I think that’s what I’m doing. No, that’s definitely what I’m doing. Today I’m beginning again.
This past week has been a blur complete with final goodbyes, overtired tears and more Grey’s Anatomy reruns than I care to admit. But something else came to light this week: In addition to my supportive family in New Jersey I have a network of people here in Boston. I may feel alone at times, but I’m not. I’m not alone. Several of my athletes and true friends reached out to me with past week to help me mourn the sudden loss of this relationship and for these friends I am forever grateful. Two days after the breakup Lisa took the day that is typically devoted to family time to drive over an hour to sit with me and my tears. While managing their own families and jobs Sarah, Molly, Alan and Lisa have answered every single text message that I have sent their way. I even enjoyed the distraction of handing out candy on Halloween and playing board games at Greg and Lauren’s home earlier in the week. Lastly, Kristi and Philip opened up their home and hearts to me on Sunday as they cooked me dinner, listened to my ramblings and shared their own experiences on what true love looks like.
Every day this past week I have woken up with this tightness in my chest and sorrow in my heart. Is this really happening? Did he really just up and leave? Is the man with whom I kissed passionately, loved furiously, and laughed endlessly truly gone from my life? Without fail the tears came.
But not today. No tears yet this morning. Progress, right?
The initial shock has finally worn off. My heart is starting to heal.
I’ve done it before, so I can do it again.
Today is the day I begin again.
Never stop running,
The Lone Runner
*Cheers to Monday, seeing Lillian this afternoon and a much needed trip to New Jersey planned for this upcoming weekend.*